Sometimes being a military wife is eerily similar to living with multiple personality disorder. Especially if you are part of a Guard or Reserve unit as I am, it’s very much like having two very separate, but occasionally intersecting lives.

You have your “military friends” and your husband’s unit members and they all comprise your “military family.” Then you have your “real” friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances. They usually don’t know each other and rarely if ever meet. The conversations are different, the worries, fears and problems are different. Often even your personality or role is different.

It’s a bit like I would imagine a split personality would be like…or maybe like one of those bigamists that lives two completely divergent existences. It can be strange and potentially awkward when in the odd situation the two lives overlap.

Just a few days ago while shopping with my family, I ran into another military spouse, I’ll call her J, who I got to know during my husband’s last deployment. I have not seen her since the unit came home 6 months ago. I like J, very much. She is kind and smart and funny and I have truly enjoyed the time spent with her in the past. Now here’s the odd part…

When I first saw her, I didn’t know what to say, I felt awkwardly uncomfortable and out of place. She was a reminder of an awful and difficult time and I didn’t quite know how to relate to her in my “civilian” mode. As we chatted the feelings gradually passed and I felt myself relax into the conversation, though some of the painful memories remained.

I have spent some time reflecting on this chance meeting this week and though I have more questions than answers…they’re good ones.

Clearly I have not dealt with all of the residual pain and emotional upheaval  of deployment although my husband has been back for 6 months now. Will it ever go away?

Why do I deny myself the friendship of some wonderful women who would add to my life simply because they still reside in the “military” box?

Would not the lives of military spouses everywhere be enhanced if they could remove that divider between “military life” and “non-military life” and just accept that the two have converged for a while to create a life experience?

…Or maybe it’s just me.