I don’t wake up until after 7:00 and still I am exhausted. I am getting so frustrated. I am just fed up with being tired. Elijah declares that he has been staying up too late also and we make a plan to go to bed by 10 all week and take nap on Sunday afternoon. We need to start easing ourselves back into the school schedule anyway, but we’ll see if we can stick to it. Alexandra was still sleeping of course and will most likely not start getting up on her school schedule until a couple of days before school starts. I think she is excited about her senior year, but not that excited.

I actually love Saturday “cleaning day.” Cleaning and organizing is my escape from the pressures of the world. It clears my mind and allows me to focus on something neutral and devoid of emotion. That does not mean that I am happy or willing to clean up after others (at least once they have reached the age of ten or so.) I am very annoyed when I go to do laundry that the downstairs room is a wreck. I love having the older kids and their friends over, but I cannot handle one more cleaning project, especially one that should not be my responsibility. My children would be horrified and might want to disown me, but I can’t wait for school to start!

It is 2pm and I still have to clean Bob’s cage, clean the backyard and check and treat the pool. I have resigned myself that I will not get to trim the bushes today. Maybe tomorrow…

I need a break, so I am going to force myself to stop and go for my run. The full dehumidifier, dirty pets and overgrown yard will still be there when I get back. I have been so worn-out and over-extended lately that my normal exercise routine has fallen off substantially and I feel as though I have taken several giant steps backward. I end up walking a good portion of my 45 minutes and am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I need to take better care of my health, but it feels as though I have too many competing priorities.  I renew my commitment to take my vitamins, go to bed early and make time for being active. I just haven’t figured out what else I am going to lower on the priority list to make time for it.

I have been excited all day for my “virtual date night” with Anthony via Skype tonight. It will be odd since it is early morning there for him, but we are trying to do what we can to maintain our relationship connection. I am lucky that I have as much contact with him as I do, so much luckier than many other wives in my position. In fact we have had the unimaginable problem that he has more free time than I do! He works very long hours, but beyond that all he has to do is eat, sleep and exercise, while I am operating in “single mom” mode and have acquired a good portion of his duties to add to my already busy schedule. We are still trying to settle into a workable communications schedule, but we’re getting there.

It is always so much more fulfilling to be able to see him. Phone calls and email are nice, but there is something about the visual connection that is much more comforting to me. It may be that I need to see him to assure myself that he is all right, but it’s more than that. He is still my “rock” and I need that hit of security and support that I get from him; the facial expressions, the gestures, eye contact and his smile to ease my anxiety. I sort of feel guilty that I am eating cheesecake for date night while he has to make due with a half-frozen cookie, but not guilty enough not to eat it…