Tag Archives | routine

Beautiful Beginnings

By on July 28, 2010 in Deployment

It has been a quiet week so far, unsettlingly quiet. Elijah is away and that takes the noise and chaos level down about 20 decibels. Even Alexandra noticed and commented to me on how silent the house is with him playing, building contraptions, randomly singing and carousing with his friends. I sure do miss that little boy! He texts me updates from Long Island; we’re at splish splash, having a cookout, at the barber with grandpa. It’s like my own personal Twitter commentary and it is endearing and quite hilarious if you think about it. Yes, I really do miss that boy.

I am sleeping a bit better, inching up to about six hours a night and still reaching toward that elusive eight. I took sort of a leisurely morning today, sleeping in until 7 or so. I really didn’t have to start work until about 9AM or so (I usually start around 7, but that is my choice.) I decided that I would take advantage of my flexible schedule and the summer weather, by drinking my coffee outside and reading my book at the start of my day instead of at the very end when I am nodding off between pages. The sun was just up, the neighborhood quiet, my roses blooming and life is good. It was a deliciously rare treat and it felt excitedly similar to playing hooky from school, which of course I never did so I am actually guessing how that would feel.

If I could start every day like that, life would be just magnificent….but reality intrudes and that just isn’t possible on a daily basis, so I will soak up and marvel and this wonderful gift of a quiet and relaxed morning surrounded by my favorite things. Work was…well, work. I had a quick, but still comforting chat with Anthony late morning and then the periodic hair appointment, followed by more work, then an average evening at home with Alexandra. I finished the day where I started it, in my chair, on the porch, with my book, surrounded by my flowers and the sun slipping away over the horizon.

My evening continued after sundown with prep work for tomorrow, email and blog updates, but really none of that is significant. Today was one of the good days and that is all that matters for now…

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Sleep!

By on July 22, 2010 in Change, Deployment, Emotions

Wow, it has been three weeks already. It still seems as though we have not quite settled into a minus one routine. I am still feeling as though my life is off balance and no matter how hard I struggle to regain it I can’t. I guess maybe that is the inherent obstacle. It may not be possible to regain that balance ever while my husband is gone. I assume, no, I actually know first-hand that it is the same sort of feeling that one goes through when a loved one dies or a divorce happens. In our situation thankfully, the separation is temporary and will not go on for years, but the very fact that we know it is temporary keeps us in a place of limbo. We can’t go back to the way our lives were prior to deployment, but we can’t really move on to a good place as a new family unit, because he is still out there somewhere.

I think the key is to accept that this is the way my life will be and instead of trying to change or conquer the beast, I need to learn to make peace with it. That is going to take some work…I have control issues.

The main struggle I have at this point is lack of sleep. For once I can actually sleep the whole night without being disrupted by my husband’s snoring, but I just can’t get to sleep. The other difficulty I have is that I just don’t have enough hours in the day to get all of my work, household and personal responsibilities accomplished. Not only do I not have the support of my husband to pitch in and help, but I have to take on many of his responsibilities as well. That leaves me working or doing chores until late in the evening and I am mentally and physically exhausted. Although keeping this diary adds to my daily load; it gives me an outlet for my inner turmoil that I don’t think I could manage without. The upside of all the busyness is that I have lost almost three pounds already without even trying!

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