Image via Wikipedia

As I look back over my posts and journal entries from last year’s holiday season, one thing is clear, while the holidays can be fraught with emotions run- wild, they can also be a time of peace and joy even while our loved one is deployed. There are many things we can do to set the tone and mood of the holiday and how we and our families experience this time.

Don’t feel as though you must celebrate as you “normally” do – It’s OK to alter some traditions and eliminate or simplify your activities. You are busy, you don’t have the energy and you’re not in the mind. Those are all valid reasons to trim your holiday tasks and commitments.

Seize the opportunity to try something new – While my husband was deployed to Afghanistan I decided to put the tree in a different place (where I really wanted it) and to change up our Christmas meal (he always made a labor intensive cooked brunch…I didn’t want to.) Try to look at this experience as a chance to experiment rather than as a loss.

Ease up on your expectations – Stress runs rampant and it can take control of your life and overshadow everything good and joyous about your holiday. Especially if you have children, don’t allow your holiday to be hijacked by stress. Do not place unrealistic expectations on yourself. You may not be able to find the perfect gift for everyone; good enough is…well…good enough. You don’t need to bake 12 dozen cookies, unless you really love doing that. Your house does not have to look like a magazine, forget that. Take the time to watch holiday movies with your kids, drink cocoa and play in the snow and give yourself a break. You deserve it!

The little gestures do matter – I took the time to write my husband a letter and included it with his Christmas card; one, so that the greeting would be more personal (handwriting is more intimate than email,) two, so that he would know that he is worth some of my precious time and that I am thinking of him.

Stay connected to your deployed loved one – A few ideas:

• I mailed my husband a tiny tree with plastic ornaments and garland for his unit to decorate, holiday music cds and cookies with packets of hot cocoa. They had such fun having their tree trimming party and it gave them a holiday pick me up to share just a bit in the holiday cheer.
• Print out pictures of your loved ones gifts and wrap them, that way they have something to open and they don’t have to ship any bulky gifts home later.
• Take lots of pictures both of holiday traditions, concerts, and parties and such as well as everyday activities, snowman building, cookie baking, making decorations, shopping or present wrapping. Your deployed soldier will be comforted by the scenes of normalcy. It’s a reminder of what is waiting at home.
• Take advantage of modern technology; Skype if you have access, send videos or audio recordings. Use whatever avenues you can to help your soldier stay as connected as possible to your family.
• Involve them in planning and decisions if you can and they are able. I asked for input on everything from gift choices to budgeting, to planning our holiday entertaining. My husband likes to know that his opinion still matters and that he is still needed in some way. Yours most likely will too.

Most importantly, remember that it’s all right to enjoy your holiday and be happy. It’s there, under the surface, the loss, the heartache, the frustration, but there is also joy and laughter. Your best gift to your deployed loved one and to yourself is to have the happiest experience you can.

For more tips and ideas on thriving during the holidays read the Care.com Interview Series or the Care.com Military Family page. It is a wonderful resource for military families.