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One Month Down

By on July 31, 2010 in Deployment Diary

I can’t believe that a month has passed since my husband left for Afghanistan. It has a been a whirlwind of late nights, restless sleep, an endless task list, chores forgotten, frequent frustration and yes, a few tears along the way. It has also been a time of tremendous personal growth, increased confidence, support from family and friends and a heightened appreciation for the beauty of my imperfect life.

Lessons Learned:

  • It is the small everyday comforts that make all the difference – my constant canine companions, my children, the aroma of morning coffee, the soothing taste of freshly brewed tea, a home that I feel comfortable in, the orchid blooming in my office, a scented candle, stirring music, flowers in bloom, wildlife outside my window and supportive family and friends.
  • I need to ask for help – support is available, but people won’t know what I need until I am willing to ask.
  • I cannot do everything – it is physically impossible with the 24 hours each day I am given to maintain my past level of responsibilities while adding in my husband’s. I have withdrawn from some volunteer activities and paired down my load.
  • I must lower my expectations – it is all right if the floor isn’t vacuumed every day, if the windows don’t get cleaned this month, if the cabinets don’t shine, if the cars don’t get washed and if the dogs didn’t get their bath. Cereal can be an acceptable dinner as long as it is high in fiber and you add fruit.
  • I need to be gentle with myself and my kids – I really need to take time to be with friends and family, but time alone is a must for me. My monthly massage is no longer a luxury and painting my toe nails is not frivolous.
  • I am capable of so much more than I believe – I have always been a fairly strong and independent woman, but I have surprised myself by stretching in so many ways already.

    • Stepping outside of my comfort zone when my world in turmoil is a very scary concept, but it is in that space of uncertainty where I will grow the most and where my best life resides.

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    Beautiful Beginnings

    By on July 28, 2010 in Deployment Diary

    It has been a quiet week so far, unsettlingly quiet. Elijah is away and that takes the noise and chaos level down about 20 decibels. Even Alexandra noticed and commented to me on how silent the house is with him playing, building contraptions, randomly singing and carousing with his friends. I sure do miss that little boy! He texts me updates from Long Island; we’re at splish splash, having a cookout, at the barber with grandpa. It’s like my own personal Twitter commentary and it is endearing and quite hilarious if you think about it. Yes, I really do miss that boy.

    I am sleeping a bit better, inching up to about six hours a night and still reaching toward that elusive eight. I took sort of a leisurely morning today, sleeping in until 7 or so. I really didn’t have to start work until about 9AM or so (I usually start around 7, but that is my choice.) I decided that I would take advantage of my flexible schedule and the summer weather, by drinking my coffee outside and reading my book at the start of my day instead of at the very end when I am nodding off between pages. The sun was just up, the neighborhood quiet, my roses blooming and life is good. It was a deliciously rare treat and it felt excitedly similar to playing hooky from school, which of course I never did so I am actually guessing how that would feel.

    If I could start every day like that, life would be just magnificent….but reality intrudes and that just isn’t possible on a daily basis, so I will soak up and marvel and this wonderful gift of a quiet and relaxed morning surrounded by my favorite things. Work was…well, work. I had a quick, but still comforting chat with Anthony late morning and then the periodic hair appointment, followed by more work, then an average evening at home with Alexandra. I finished the day where I started it, in my chair, on the porch, with my book, surrounded by my flowers and the sun slipping away over the horizon.

    My evening continued after sundown with prep work for tomorrow, email and blog updates, but really none of that is significant. Today was one of the good days and that is all that matters for now…

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    Strangely Normal

    By on July 10, 2010 in Deployment Diary

    It was a strangely normal Saturday, except that since we did so much work around the house prior to this deployment, I was hard pressed to come up with a weekend project. I felt sort of out of my element, flirting with the edges of contentment, but as that is an unfamiliar and frightening feeling for me, I was definitely unsettled. We did our cleaning chores as usual, and then I decided to use my extra time to work on blog posts and a goal-setting system and worksheet I am developing for my productivity book and clients (maybe as pleasurable for most as nails on a chalkboard, but fun for me.) After, I decided I deserved to spend some time in my garden enjoying the flowers that I work so hard to grow!

    Bird garden

    Anthony called today and I really could not think of what to say. For some reason, when he calls I can’t remember anything we did over the last few days. I mean really, how many times can you say I love you? I need to start keeping a cheat sheet by the phone!

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