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Learn to Savor the Respite between Battles

By on May 9, 2011 in Deployment Diary
Fogg Dam Conservation Reserve which is one of ...

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One evening, not too long ago as I sat on the porch with my husband watching a spring storm roll through, I was overcome by this feeling of the complete and utter calm of the moment. If I had been in my standard mode of busyness and distraction with the litany of life’s unending tasks I would surely have missed this gem. We sat quietly not speaking, just being with each other surrounded by the sheer presence of the forcefulness of nature.

 

When the time came for us to go in and get the house settled down for the night, I resisted, reminiscent of a child just asking for a few more minutes. I couldn’t truly explain to him, but my need to savor the mundane, the simple, the calm, the connection was too compelling to relinquish for something as practical as “it’s time for bed.” I reminded him that last spring at this time we were enveloped in the “pre-deployment” haze of activity getting ready for a long separation and preparing ourselves, our family and our home. The days just seemed to slip by in the fog of deployment.

 

We do not know if or when he will be called to deploy again, but we do know that right here, right now he is here. It’s a devastatingly unpretentious thing, a spring evening at home, together with the family that for us is cause for great joy. In that moment, in that place I was struck by the immense need to celebrate each and every rainy spring evening, every sultry summer afternoon, every crisp fall morning and even every chilly winter storm.

 

I fear the battle is not over, there will be rough roads ahead, but if we can learn to savor the moments of respite in between then the journey will be full of joy. Perhaps the biggest challenge for us is to simply appreciate the gift of calm when it is given.

 

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One Month Down

By on July 31, 2010 in Deployment Diary

I can’t believe that a month has passed since my husband left for Afghanistan. It has a been a whirlwind of late nights, restless sleep, an endless task list, chores forgotten, frequent frustration and yes, a few tears along the way. It has also been a time of tremendous personal growth, increased confidence, support from family and friends and a heightened appreciation for the beauty of my imperfect life.

Lessons Learned:

  • It is the small everyday comforts that make all the difference – my constant canine companions, my children, the aroma of morning coffee, the soothing taste of freshly brewed tea, a home that I feel comfortable in, the orchid blooming in my office, a scented candle, stirring music, flowers in bloom, wildlife outside my window and supportive family and friends.
  • I need to ask for help – support is available, but people won’t know what I need until I am willing to ask.
  • I cannot do everything – it is physically impossible with the 24 hours each day I am given to maintain my past level of responsibilities while adding in my husband’s. I have withdrawn from some volunteer activities and paired down my load.
  • I must lower my expectations – it is all right if the floor isn’t vacuumed every day, if the windows don’t get cleaned this month, if the cabinets don’t shine, if the cars don’t get washed and if the dogs didn’t get their bath. Cereal can be an acceptable dinner as long as it is high in fiber and you add fruit.
  • I need to be gentle with myself and my kids – I really need to take time to be with friends and family, but time alone is a must for me. My monthly massage is no longer a luxury and painting my toe nails is not frivolous.
  • I am capable of so much more than I believe – I have always been a fairly strong and independent woman, but I have surprised myself by stretching in so many ways already.

    • Stepping outside of my comfort zone when my world in turmoil is a very scary concept, but it is in that space of uncertainty where I will grow the most and where my best life resides.

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    Unexpected Thank You

    By on July 21, 2010 in Deployment Diary

    I had to get up at an unholy hour today as Elijah is going to work with his uncle. I knew it would be a good diversion for him so I encouraged him to go, but now as I wake and it’s not quite light yet, I’m wondering what I was thinking? I drag myself out of bed and shuffle to the kitchen to get my coffee, wishing there was a way to just mainline the caffeine directly into my body sort of like a caffeine drip. Somebody should invent something like that. I bet it would be a hot seller!

    I’m starting to feel a little bit more human after a few sips and I head up to wake EJ and make sure he has decent clothes on. The thought occurs to me that he can just pick out his own clothes and I could just sit and inhale my coffee, but then I remember that he thinks tie-dye shirts go with his camo pants and I decide that I better supervise just to be on the safe side. All goes smoothly and I am delightfully surprised that he doesn’t give me a hard time getting up and seems to be in pretty good spirits. In fact he is in a better mood than I am and he doesn’t even get any caffeine! Of course he went to bed at 9:30 the night before, while I could not fall asleep until much later.

    We decide to sit out on the front porch and read together while we wait for his ride and I can feel my mood shift drastically. I love the outdoors, the wildlife, the flowers, the weather, the fresh air and the sounds. Something about being outside early in the morning just puts me at ease and fills me with this almost eerie sense of calmness and contentment. That’s my meditation, my center, my “happy place” for lack of a better explanation. After Elijah leaves I sit quietly by myself watching the neighborhood come slowly to life and wonder what the day holds for me. Somehow I just know that it is going to be a good day and since I have made the decision to face the day with a positive attitude, it will be.

    Anthony calls and we have a nice chat and catch up and it feels almost normal again, to hear his voice as if he is just at work for the day and has called home to check in. For a few minutes we can forget the distance and just talk. I feel closer to him briefly and then I have to let him go. The day goes on.

    Thank you card

    The highlight comes when I make the daily trek out to the mailbox. I honestly expect just bills or junk mail, because that’s what is usually there. Instead, I am the recipient of the most enchanting little postcard that is clearly handmade with pictures cut out and pasted on the front. Intrigued, I turn it over to reveal that my five year old niece has sent me a thank you postcard for inviting her to come over and swim in the pool this week. She hasn’t even come yet and already she is thankful for just the invitation. How extraordinary! Kudos to my sister for teaching her to show gratitude.

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