Love Lessons

Happy anniversary to me! Today is my wedding anniversary; not that that would normally be of any interest to the general public. I have decided to share my lesson anyway. One would think that perhaps celebrating my wedding anniversary while my cherished spouse sits in the middle of a war zone over 7,000 miles away would be a difficult, even depressing event. Actually so did I, but no…not really.

Perhaps the most surprising lesson I have learned from my husband’s military deployment is that real, mature love does not depend on proximity, physical affection or time spent together. I know many military spouses experience a disconnect and feel an emotional distance that goes along with the physical absence, but that is just not my reality. For me, love is about a shared vision of life and mutual respect, trust and devotion that transcends any distance. I make it sound easy. It’s not. It’s darn difficult at times, but isn’t that what demonstrates the strength of something? It’s ability to withstand challenges. It takes effort, commitment and generosity of spirit. Anything worthwhile does.

My best anniversary gift is the awareness that love is not about pop culture ideals and platitudes; “Out of sight out of mind,” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” or “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” True and lasting love of any kind, marriage, friendship or family is about commitment to something greater than ourselves that in turn feeds us individually.

My words of wisdom to newlyweds and those in the fresh bloom of love: Reflecting back on “for better or for worse,” I have found anybody can do better, but that the true depth and gift of love is found in those times of “worse.” Nobody ever said love would be easy, but isn’t it grand!