Ever heard of spousal PTSD? That’s because it doesn’t exist, sort of

It’s not Over Yet.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 2 months since my husband stepped off the plane from Afghanistan and back into our “normal” life. Normal is a relative term that begs to ask the question, what is normal really? And more importantly, will we ever get back there or maybe move forward to there? I don’t have the answer. I’m not sure anyone does.

Every soldier and every family faces struggles and deals with the reality of military life in their own unique way. For us… my husband adapts to the reality of his circumstances, puts a positive spin on everything he can and firmly pushes any unpleasantness out of his mind. This allows him to persevere, move on and not dwell on what has passed or any future impending deployments.

Myself…not so much.  I pull up my boot straps and hunker down in survival mode, which means in reality many long months of little sleep, off the charts anxiety, huge dark circles and a feeling of skirting the edge of disaster if I for one minute let down my constant vigilance. This unhealthy and misguided strategy though it is, actually works quite well for me…short term. I am amazingly confident and capable and our family weathers the storm well. I find myself quietly puzzling at why I didn’t crack as some of the other wives have done. Where were the crying jags, the melt-downs, even the Prozac prescriptions? That’s just not my way. That’s not to sound self-righteous or smug; that’s just my truth as honest as I can be.

I am not immune though; far from it. A plague of unexplained aches and pains, illness, debilitating exhaustion and a feeling of complete bafflement has led to a spate of doctor appointments over the last few weeks. I’ve been poked and prodded, questioned and assessed until I was beginning to wonder if I was just imagined the whole thing. There are still a few lingering long shot tests and another consult yet to go, but my doctor finally concluded that I have something akin to “spousal PTSD.” No, that condition doesn’t technically exist, but if it did, I would be diagnosed with it. In short, when a body is pushed too hard for too long, it cannot bounce back. It’s sort of like someone who suffers from Mononucleosis or Pneumonia. You may fight off the infection successfully, but it takes weeks, even months for the body to fully recover and replenish itself.

What a relief! It’s not all in my head! I’m not crazy! Well, at least not as far as this matter is concerned.

And so the long road to full health begins now. Armed with a laundry list of health supplements, nutritional recommendations, stress strategies and lifestyle and physical advice I am off on the road to recovery…I hope.

If you need me, you can find me in the health food store somewhere between Ashwagandha extract and Astragalus…