One year ago today…

So happy this is behind us. At least for now.

Today was very strange. Almost like a surreal anticipation of a gruesome event. The anxiety and feelings are so difficult to put aside and so pervasive that it is almost as though they take over every thought and action.

Sleep was elusive and fitful the night before. Almost like a solemn black Christmas that you know is upon you and are powerless to circumvent. You’ve accepted the reality and stopped fighting, but have not quite given up hope for a last minute pardon. My husband and I cuddle for the last time and cling to each other for strength; perhaps as if we can soak up enough love and comfort to last for the next half year.

The early morning beginning is deceptively normal, quiet and unbelievably routine, were it not that my soldier is going off to war instead of to work. We wake, have coffee and eat breakfast surrounded by an eerie quiet that seems to fit the mood. We are both lost in thought and don’t know quite what to say. We finish the packing, checking and double checking the uniforms, supplies, toiletries and the rest. The reprieve can only last so long and then the drive to the airport begins. The check-in, security and flight departure are uneventful, boring actually and seem to drag on forever.

Finally the flight is called and we say our final goodbyes amongst tears and hugs. We are surrounded by “civilians” who look on, perhaps curious about the destination or purpose. Thought our soldiers are in street clothes (for security purposes) most have huge military issue green bags that very easily identify them as military members of some kind.

Our loved ones wave as they disappear down the tunnel to board the waiting plane and then it is final.

We are left to offer comfort to the others left behind; the wife alone, the young mother, the young red-haired boy wailing his heart out and my children who are crying softly into my shoulder and clinging to each other. I hug the wife of my husband’s SMSgt and we promise to stay in touch. There are many other family members that I do not know.  Our soldiers train together on drill weekends and are a part of a team, but we are not. Many of these men, women and children I have never seen before and probably will not again until the homecoming. Still we share the loss and my heart goes out to them. We share a bond; that of sacrifice, strength and loneliness.  I square my shoulders, gather my children and take a deep breath.

This is D – day for us. It is the beginning of what will be a more than six month separation from the soldier we love. For this period of time at least we are all fighting a war; one we may not understand or approve. We are soldiers on the home front; the unnamed; the “ones left behind.”

And so it begins…